He-Man Brings Out Fun Nostalgia for Those Who Care About He-Man
I have to start this review by saying I have no nostalgia for He-Man. As a kid of the 80’s, it just wasn’t my thing. I was still into Star Wars and loved Transformers, but I never got on board with He-Man. I watched it occasionally, of course, and was aware of the lore, the theme song, and the main cast of characters. I think that is important, as I did not realize there was such a passionate fanbase, particularly online, that absolutely loves the Master of the Universe universe. Simply expressing that I did not think the movie looked very good based on the trailer brought out a horde of He-Man stans who were quick to let me know that He-Man was a thing and that this was going to be the best and biggest fantasy film ever made. So I went into the movie with a certain bias.
That said, He-Man is not as bad as I expected and not as good as everyone claims.
I don’t know if the cartoon included a plot where Adam (Nicholas Galitzine) was sent to Earth for his safety with the Sword of Power. But in the movie, he is. He loses the sword and, somehow, unexplained in the movie, goes to school and eventually is able to work a job in Human Resources. He remembers his past and is singularly obsessed with finding the sword and returning to Eternia which puts him in some awkward positions in his personal and professional life. I have a TON of questions about this conceit, but I was able to, as my friend Old Man Brad says, kind of turn my brain off and go with it.
Adam eventually finds the sword, triggering a signal to Eternia and bringing Beast Man and Teela (Camila Mendes) to Earth: the former to kill him and recover the sword, the latter to save him.
Our heroes get home, and Adam finds a burnt-out husk of a planet. Skeletor, played by Jared Leto, who I’d been led to believe is one of the greatest cinematic villains of all time, has spent the last 15 years not looking for the Sword on the planet where he knows it is, but only killing “thousands” of Eternians and destroying the planet. He’s obsessed with the Sword but has done nothing, literally, to find it, despite knowing where it is. A bizarre choice for a super villain.
Adam is reunited with Teela’s dad, Man-At-Arms (Idris Elba), and the resistance of good guys hiding and fighting Skeletor and his horde. Soon, Adam activates his powers and transforms into He-Man, and with almost zero training ( a point made early in the movie), he’s able to kick ass. So much so that he’s eventually able to kick Skeltor’s ass-this great villain.
Having never owned toys representing classic heroes like Fisto, Ram-Man, Dian, and Mekaneck, or villains like Trap Jaw, Beast Man or Evil Lyn, and the story not really giving me much reason to care about any of them, I was kind of lost.
There are some funny moments that highlight the camp of the original series. Mostly from Alison Brie’s Evil-Lyn. Leto was quite literally playing himself, and it was fine. The CGI was pretty OK most of the time! But a few times, like the first time they ride Cringer/Battle Cat, look pretty…cringe.
There are two post-credit scenes, so if you’re a fan, don’t miss those! The cartoon always had a PSA, and that is replicated well here. There is also a cameo from Dolph Lundgren, the OG live-action He-Man, which was fun but kinda awkward.
Overall, this movie was fine in my opinion. The action was pretty good, and the battles were actually pretty good as well. The story was thin as paper, and the acting was very mixed. Fans, for whom this film was made, are thrilled with it, and I am genuinely happy for them! But for a person with little affinity to the original stories, it was pretty forgettable.
Disclosure Day Dazzles Some, Disappoints Others While Asking Big Questions About Our Place In The Universe
Disclosure Day continues a long tradition of powerful science fiction storytelling and completes a loose trilogy of alien movies that has been nearly 50 years in the making.
Steven Spielberg has returned to the big screen in a big way by doing what he does best, expertly telling a huge story, delivering blockbuster moments, and entertaining audiences with unparalleled skill and now a lifetime of experience and expertise.
Disclosure Day is not what we were sold. Well, it is in that we were sold a bold new science fiction film from Steven Spielberg. But looking back at the trailers, we were never really sold or told much. As the film very slowly and deliberately spelled out its plot, I realized I didn’t really know where we were going. Each nugget of story opened up another door, asked another question, and created another sense of wonder.
We open with a brutal wrestling match, which is really a backdrop for a clandestine information exchange between Daniel Kellner (Josh O’Connor) and Wardex CEO Scanlon (Colon Firth) and his band of secret service-esque team of baddies. There is a little too much lens flare here, one of my few criticisms of this film. We learn that Wardex has kidnapped Daniel’s girlfriend, Jane, to negotiate the return of dozens of drives, which we learn contain the world’s collected knowledge about UFOs and aliens, along with the definitive truth that they exist. This sets off a cross-country chase as Daniel and Jane escape with the help of alien technology.
Next, we meet television meteorologist Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt). Emily Blunt gives an off-the-charts performance here, portraying a meteorologist who seems to be undergoing a career crisis, but we find out her inner turmoil is about so much more than her career ambitions.
The movie follows Daniel and Margaret’s slow path to intersection. We find out they are the key to unlocking the secrets of first contact, having been abducted by aliens in their youth. Hugo Wakefield (Colman Domingo) is working in the background, assured that the two will meet at a secret location where his team is setting up a recreation of Margaret’s childhood home in hopes of unlocking her memories.
This movie is loaded with tense moments. At one point, Scanlon uses alien tech to “possess” Jane, leading to some scary moments. There’s a big action piece involving a train, which is fun and exhilarating to watch.
There are a ton of little Spielbergian touches in this movie that I personally love. There are obvious callbacks to Close Encounters and E.T., as well as less obvious ones to Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. There also seem to be musical cues from other John Williams movies here, in his announced final collaboration with Spielberg.
The movie also tosses in some existential questions about god, religion, and existence itself. Jane is a former nun who has lost her faith and is concerned that humanity is not ready for the truth that they are not alone in the universe. These big questions do not necessarily get big answers, but they work to get you thinking.
There’s also a message-some may think it’s too heavy-handed, some may think it’s too “woke,” but it’s a message that has always resonated with me-we need empathy. In the real modern world, there’s been a distinct
“war on empathy” from the far right, and this movie simply suggests that empathy should be a simple baseline for humanity. And I agree.
I saw this movie in a nearly full theater on opening night. It wasn’t a rowdy crowd, but it wasn’t a quiet one either. That said, for the last 20 minutes of the movie, there was a palpable feeling in the theater; people were engrossed by what was unfolding, and you could hear a pin drop. It’s why I love seeing movies in theaters. Others have reported different experiences. The discourse around this movie ranges from “it’s a masterpiece” to “Spielberg is toast.” I am in the former camp. I love this movie and will champion it. The direction is good, the action is fun, the music is great, and the acting, particularly by Blunt and Domingo, is top-notch. The nostalgia is heavy and the message sincere. Listen.
Bill and Ted: A Lifetime of Being Excellent and Partying On
Bill and Ted: A Lifetime of Being Excellent and Partying On
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was released on February 17, 1989. Written by Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson, directed by Stephen Herek, and starring Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, this was a silly movie aimed squarely at white, suburban, male teenagers that the vast majority of the movie-going public has probably long since forgotten, and almost certainly dismissed as such. But for me, admittedly, the absolute quintessential target audience for this film, it means so much more. In fact, this stupid little movie may have had the most significant impact on my life of any piece of pop culture.
I saw Bill and Ted on opening night at the Showcase Cinema in Milford, Ohio. A movie house known for its incredibly outsized parking lot, where most of my small town, including me, learned how to drive. That oversized parking lot was part of a chain of circumstances that would have had a mall built in Milford. Instead, that mall, Eastgate Mall, was built about six miles down the expressway, anchored by Showcase Cinemas Eastgate in its own large parking lot. Showcase Cinema Milford is now a church, Showcase Cinemas Eastgate was torn down, and Eastgate Mall is dying a slow death, like many malls. I state this piece of 80s-era real-life history because it’s important to the world in which Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was made. A world where malls were cultural gathering spaces, and movies were a critical part of youth culture.
The day is memorable for me, not because I saw what would become one of my favorite and most-watched movies ever, but because I saw it on my first real date, a date that should never have happened. You see, earlier in the day, in 7th period gym class, just moments before the bell rang, releasing me to head home to prep for the movie, I experienced a terrible sprained ankle as a result of a failed professional wrestling style drop kick delivered to me by “Rowdy” Randy Perry, a kid I barely knew. For some reason, Randy tried to drop-kick me, falling mostly on my ankle, which caused the sprain. It hurt. A lot. But I was determined not to miss this movie! I refused to tell my parents, instead I snuck out with a pair of my dad’s crutches and hopped in my friend’s car to see the movie with a young lady we’ll call Cheryl. Hey, I was 15. I had priorities. I’d tell my folks the next morning when my ankle was the size of a softball, and as purple as Prince’s logo. I barely remember Cheryl. Or Randy. Or high school. But I remember that movie.
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure tells the exciting tale of best friends, Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan, students at San Dimas High School in San Dimas, California, who are destined for greatness but held back by ignorance. Phoenix, Arizona, stood in for San Dimas with its mall, schools, homes, water parks, and, critically, its Circle K providing the locales for these adventures. Bill and Ted are a classic comedy duo, a reflection of Cheech and Chong and the Blues Brothers, and an inspiration for Wayne and Garth and Jay and Silent Bob. They are presented as dumb teen boys, obsessed with music and girls and on the verge of failing history class-a cataclysmic event that would derail their destiny and, unfortunately, unmake the future of humanity and the universe. Their style, tone, and language are classic 80’s California valley dufuses. Most high schoolers would likely consider them “stoner” types, though there is no indication of drug use. In fact, beyond the stereotype of “dumb rock guys,” Bill and Ted are portrayed as incredibly good-hearted and good-natured individuals. And while we are led to believe they are stupid, that’s not quite the case either. Sure, they are set to fail History class, but less because they were dumb and more because they are so focused on having a good time and on launching their band, Wyld Stallyns. In fact, as our adventure unfolds-Bill and Ted present as pretty smart. They know who philosopher Socrates is. They are able to have conversations and observations that sound absolutely absurd but are delivered with a cadence of uniqueness, individuality, and intelligence. Bill, in particular, presents as well-spoken. Ted comes across less so, but is still able to pull out the occasional gem of intelligent observation and rote memory. Take his understanding of the first president, George Washington, for example. He is able to recall that Mr. Washington “had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.” Close enough.
We quickly learn that our heroes do have an important destiny, so important that a representative from the future is sent to the past to set our heroes on the right path. Rufus, played by the late great George Carlin, knows more than he lets on initially, but is determined to put history back on track by ensuring Bill and Ted do not fail their upcoming history presentation, which would cause them to fail the class and ultimately separate the duo as Ted’s father promises to send his neer do well son to a military academy in Alaska if he fails. Rufus provides the duo with a time machine built into a telephone booth. Who knew a telephone booth would become a relic of a bygone era, a virtually unnecessary item in the modern era that today’s teens would struggle to even identify. But back then we all knew what pay phones and phone booths were. It was a perfect choice for a vehicle. The conceit was that dates in history were tied to phone numbers which would enable our intrepid travelers to journey across time visiting any time period they wished. They even had a time directory listing historical events they may wish to visit. Experiencing history and interacting with historical figures would allow Bill and Ted to learn all they need to complete their assignment.
Their first stop, the Wild West, introduces them to Billy the Kid and sparks an idea-collect historical figures from across time, return them to their present, and have them share their impressions of modern day San Dimas.
Soundtracked by a perfectly excellent 80’s rock and roll track list, our heroes zip around the time circuits collecting “personages of historical significance” such as Dave Beeth-Oven (Ludwig Beethoven) Maxine of Arc (Joan of Arc) Herman the Kid (the aforementioned Billy the Kid) Bob “Genghis” Khan (Genghis Khan) Socrates Johnson (Socrates) Dennis Frood (Sigmund Freud) and…Abraham Lincoln. They run into some trouble along the way including an incident in medieval England where they meet their future wives and are nearly executed by their father. They even meet…their past selves in a hilarious encounter outside the Circle K (strange things are indeed afoot) where Ted reminds himself to wind his watch, another technology modern audiences may scratch their head at, and an important plot point that almost makes our heroes miss their presentation.
And what a presentation it is. After taking the historical figures to the mall to learn about modern history chaos ensues when the bored crew get arrested after causing havoc in the mall whilst Bill and Ted recover Napoleon from a nearby water park. The presentation is modeled after an 80’s rock concert where Bill and Ted demonstrate their knowledge while the historical figures discuss what they’ve learned spending time in modern America.
What Bill and Ted taught me is immeasurable. Love of learning, the importance of education and understanding both historical context and our place in it, and the power of friendship. Seriously.
I was Bill and Ted, well mostly Ted. I didn’t care about school. I was on the verge of failing. All I cared about was music and movies and girls. This movie showed me the importance of studying. Of not just learning dates, facts, and figures but understanding the context in which those things exist. Bill and Ted used the same text book I was using! I cracked that open and actually read it. I became interested in history. For real. I learned to love learning.
I spoke like them, establishing my own shorthand with my friends while quoting the movie but also quoting history. It…it was cool to be smart.
I became closer with my friends. I realized the power and importance of friendship! What it means to have another person’s back and for them to have yours.
And I learned to value and respect the future. If these two bozos from San Dimas could change the world anyone could! Even me. Bill and Ted gave me a voice.
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure isn’t perfect. It’s an 80’s movie now forever trapped in its time by antiquated technology, fashion, and music. There’s even a once common homosexual slur used by the duo after a hug mid movie. I actually discussed this with Ed Solomon a few years ago on Twitter. He recognized and acknowledged the slur was of its time and that he and Matheson apologize for it and regret its inclusion. Years after its release, decades into my adulthood this movie was still teaching me valuable things.
Most importantly Bill and Ted taught me two important edicts. Mottos that I live by to this day and every day. Be excellent to each other. And. Party on dudes!
Mando and Grogu Bring Old School Summer Movie Promotion to Burger King
The Mandalorian and Grogu have officially kicked off the summer movie season, and along with the film’s release Disney and Lucasfilm have partnered with dozens of brands to promote the film. This includes an olde school fast food tie-in with Burger King.
Fast food tie-ins are closely connected to a galaxy far, far away. Stretching back to the very beginning, Star Wars has understood and embraced the promotion machine. Some would say they created the art of the promo. Burger Chef was the first partner, offering collectible posters. Lucasfilm would partner with different restaurants over the years, moving from McDonald’s to Burger King to Taco Bell. For The Mandalorian and Grogu, we’re back to Burger King with a complete lineup of themed-food in graphic containers, and collectible cups and toys.
I had the chance to enjoy the BK Bounty Whopper, which Burger King describes as, A 1/4 lb.* of 100% flame-grilled beef served in a carton shaped like the Mandalorian’s helmet, topped with melty Swiss cheese, crispy pickle chips, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, & creamy Bounty BBQ sauce on a bun. This big, beefy burger brings the classic flame-broiled flavor of the legendary BK Whopper with some bold new additions. The creamy sauce was a touch spicy and served the sandwich well. The Swiss cheese provides a nice balance and additional creaminess. The crispy pickle chips are surprisingly delicious. And you can never go wrong with BK’s crispy bacon. Altogether, this is a fantastic sandwich served in a fun box.
I also enjoyed a side of Imperial Cheddar Ranch Tots, which are perfectly crispy tots stuffed with melty cheddar cheese, fluffy potatoes, & ranch seasoning, served in a Star Wars-themed carton. This was a huge upgrade from fries! The crispy, pillowy tot has an explosion of flavor. These were incredibly fun, poppable, and delicious. I hope they find a permanent spot on the menu.
BK’s The Mandalorian and Grogu fast food tie-in is a fun throwback, offering a wide variety of tasty food and beverages in fun themed containers harkening back to the good old days of fast food movie promos.
This Is The Way: The Hyperbole Free Review of The Mandalorian and Grogu
The Mandalorian and Grogu have officially hopped from the small screen to the big screen, marking Star Wars’ official return to theaters after a seven-year drought. Based on the popular Disney+ streaming hit, The Mandalorian and Grogu elevate the heroic galactic team to an official duo after keeping the diminutive “baby Yoda” a secret ahead of the streaming show’s launch.
Set after the events of the streamer, The Mandalorian and Grogu takes place a few years after the destruction of the second Death Star in an era where the New Republic is attempting to reunite the galaxy while also expelling the remnants of the Galactic Empire from the universe. Din Djarin and Grogu are now exclusively in the employ of the New Republic, accepting jobs on their terms to track down war criminals and bring them to justice. The movie opens with one of these missions, an exciting action sequence set on a wintery Hoth-like planet. We see the Empire trying to desperately maintain a hold on systems where they can, but it’s clear they know their time is up. Partnering with Rebels hero Zeb, Din and Grogu take out Commander Baro, much to the dismay of Zeb and Din’s Republic contact Colonel Ward, played expertly by Sigourney Weaver, making her Star Wars universe debut, very much channeling a wartime Leia.
No sooner than they return to collect their bounty, Ward has another mission, this time a little more in the grey area, where Din and Grogu would need to work with the Hutts on a mission to find an important Imperial informant. It’s this mission that really sets off the core plot of the story.
Many people online are complaining that the movie just feels like a long episode of the show, and that’s because it’s inconsequential as a movie. While true, following the further adventures of Din Djarin and Grogu does feel a bit like an extension of the show, because it is. And so what? Director Jon Favreau and writer-producer Dave Filoni amp up the action, the set pieces, and the nods to classic- and new-era Star Wars enough to make the leap to the big screen a jump, not a hop. The movie feels big. The planets and set pieces are awesome. The cinematography, color palette, lighting, and sound are all significant steps up from the show, which in itself looks pretty terrific on its own.
Once the adventure proper begins, we get to see how Din and Grogu’s relationship has evolved. Grogu has grown up (a bit) and is now a full-fledged, Force-powered Mandalorian apprentice. The duo meets The Twins, Hutts who have consolidated power around information and treachery, whom have access to information about an important Imperial target, Lord Janu, which they are willing to trade for the recovery and return of their nephew Rotta, a cool throwback to The Clone Wars animated movie. Of course, this being the Star Wars galaxy underworld, there are lots of double-crossing, lies, and mysteries to uncover standing in the way of this mission.
The mission leads our heroes to an outer rim planet where Rotta is a celebrated gladiator working off a contract for Janu. This leads to a new partnership/friendship, a few great battles in the arena, and some fun set pieces, including a possible cameo from the main house of Skywalker Ranch? This was one of the most fun parts of this movie, picking up on hidden Easter eggs-it’s not overwhelming, it’s not heavy-handed, I thought it was just enough to make me smile as I recognized things sprinkled here and there.
Also, during the gladiator fight, I found myself as giddy as Grogu himself, diving into the popcorn bucket and snacking along as goofy Star Wars action unfolded in front of me. It was one of those moments of pure cinema joy that reminds us WHY we go to these movies. It forced me to reflect on decades of Star Wars fandom stretching back to the release of the prequels, where the internet empowered an army of toxic fans to have a voice, picking apart every decision they disagreed with, review bombing what they didn’t like, and even bullying women and POC off the internet because of their ire. These aren’t Star Wars fans to me. You don’t have to be an apologist, and you don’t have to love every story, every scene, even every show or movie, but to decide you hate something because it’s Disney or because it’s “woke”, or because, god-forbid, it features a woman or POC, is just ridiculous. I love all Star Wars, the good, the bad, and The Last Jedi.
Anyway, back to the adventure.
Din and Grogu and Rotta and Jeb continue to uncover the layers of deception at play here, and the fight against the Hutts intensifies. There are moments of genuine concern as the fate of our heroes is challenged at every turn. There are cool aliens, scary monsters, blaster fights, and even an aerial battle that keeps the adrenaline running.
We even get a late-movie breather where we see Grogu on his own, as a concerned son. As with Yoda before him, Grogu, this puppet, this collection of gears, plastic, and fabric, becomes a real being, something with feelings, emotions, and actions. I loved watching him be a son and a caregiver, and it tugged at my old dad’s heartstrings for sure. This is the way.
At its heart, Star Wars is about family. And more specifically and importantly, not just biological family, but the family you choose. Each of these stories in this universe, especially the best ones, has a familial connection central to the story. From Luke and Anakin, to Galen and Jyn, to Rotta and Jabba, and of course to Din Djarin and his adopted son Grogu, Star Wars is about family. And cool explosions and ships and stuff.
Speaking of ships, we get a new Razor Crest with a plausible explanation, but we still see the Naboo fighter at the Djarin homestead.
As we accelerate toward the film’s climax, we see how teamwork, ingenuity, and the desire to do what’s right fuel Din Djarin and Grogu. The odds stack up against them, the stakes get higher, and the battles more intense. I’ll let you experience the story on your own. Just know this is a fun, stand-alone adventure in a galaxy, far, far away. As they settle into the larger Star Wars universe working for the new Republic, we do lose a bit of that western, gunslinger aesthetic that had initially made the show so much fun. Although there are plenty of scenes of the Mandalorian dramatically entering a room to his signature musical cue.
Speaking of music, the score by Ludwig Göransson is incredible, including a fun, modern-sounding synth sound that he brings in alongside the classic score.
The Mandalorian and Grogu is a good Star War. It’s a thrilling big-screen adventure worthy of the most fun stories we’ve been told in this universe. It has everything you come to expect from Star Wars, great effects, cool creatures, practical and digital effects, cool ships, thrilling chases, big fights, and The Force. If you hate all things Disney Star Wars, nothing here is going to change your mind or loosen your hardened heart. Personally, I hope we get more adventures with this father-son duo. They, and we, deserve it. I have spoken.
Besker Brew Brings a Blondie Brownie Blast to Breakfast
Today, the newest Star Wars adventure, The Mandalorian and Grogu, debuts in theaters along with an avalanche of marketing tie-ins. One that’s near and dear to my heart is Beskar Brew from Bones Coffee.
Bones is one of my favorite coffee brands. They have good standard brews, but their claim to fame is flavored brews that partner with or honor classic movies, video games, and more. They’ve done Star Wars in the past with flavors focused on the original trilogy, but Beskar Brew and its companion flavor, Cantina Caramel Crunch, are the latest flavors from the new era.
I reviewed Grogu’s flavor here.
Beskar Brew is a really fun flavor. Bones describes it as“In this galaxy, you need a coffee you can count on. Beskar Brew delivers rich notes of golden-brown sugar, melted butter, and a hint of vanilla flavor of freshly baked blondie brownies. From traveling across barren worlds to just laying low, this brew stays with you. It tastes like home, wherever that may be.” It’s a medium roast, said to surface butterscotch and brown sugar flavors. While the butterscotch is not as prominent as in their Highland Grog, it’s still on the nose and highlights the butter-brown sugar flavor. The base coffee flavor is good as always, with the additional flavors bringing a fun taste to your morning adventures.
Beskar Brew is another tasty flavor that I really enjoyed. It’s not too sweet, offering just the right amount of flavor to your morning routine. 6 out of 10 on the accurate flavor profile scale. 4/5 on the Hyperbole Free rating system.
Cantina Carmel Crunch Capitalizes on Cuteness, Creating Cool Coffee
I distinctly remember the first time I saw Grogu, then “Baby Yoda,” on the Disney+ hit streaming series The Mandalorian. Like millions of others, I was instantly smitten. Grogu turned out not just to be cute-he quickly became an important part of Star Wars lore, a genuinely interesting new character-strong in the Force, curious about the universe, devoted to his adopted father, and hungry as hell.
Grogu’s predilection for snacking, seriously, little green dude has the mad munchies, making him an obvious tie-in for food stuff promotions now that The Mandalorian is making the jump from your TV to the big screen. The Mandalorian and Grogu opens in theaters this week, and we’re seeing some interesting tie-ins, from an old-school Burger King promotion to Cantina Carmel Crunch a new coffee from Bones Coffee.
Cantina Carmel Crunch was released alongside a Din Djarin-themed flavor, Beskar Brew, which we’ll review tomorrow. Bones describes the flavor as such, “Need a pick-me-up for your next mission? Whether you're perched in the cockpit or watching an area match, Cantina Caramel Crunch is your loyal companion. Bursting with buttery caramel-covered popcorn flavor and pairing perfectly with medium roast coffee that's as smooth as hyperspace. Beware: guard your mug, this snack could get snatched! “
Bones is good at creating these flavored coffees and has the marketing muscle to back it up with interestingly designed bags, cool partnerships, and even cooler hand-thrown mugs. This particular flavor is sweet. It’s a medium roast and says the highlighted flavors are caramel and popcorn. You can definitely smell what they are going for here. The first aroma from the bag and into your cup is that of buttery, smooth popped corn. The flavor is sweeter, less like you’d expect from a traditionally flavored caramel coffee. The base coffee flavor is good, but the sweetness is a little much.
Overall, Cantina Carmel Crunch is a fine morning brew. It’s a fun, sweet flavor that I bet Grogu would love. 6 out of 10 on the accurate flavor profile scale. 3/5 on the Hyperbole Free rating system.
I Felt the Need. The Need to See Top Gun Again
Top Gun was released to a very different America 40 years ago. The Russians were easily identifiable as the enemies, Tom Cruise’s charms were just beginning to take hold, movie soundtracks were very serious business, and Val Kilmer was still alive. Subtle American military propaganda was a foundational part of the 80’s Hollywood hype machine. We were starting to emerge from the Cold War (so we thought), and the military offered a backdrop that was presented as “cool.” Fighter jets, submarines, Navy Seals, and cocky, heroic enlisted men or veterans muscled their way onto the big screen.
Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer were just beginning their assault on our senses, paving the way for decades of exhilaration, big explosions, eye-popping visuals, and ear-popping sonics. And 80’s kids growing up in the shadows of Star Wars and the Cold War were primed for this shit.
Tom Cruise was honing his superstar mannerisms and creating memorable memes long before the world knew what the hell a meme was. His stunning good looks, endless charisma, and acting skills were being crafted right before our eyes.
Top Gun is an archetypal 80’s film. It’s equal parts action, romance, and music video. The story follows Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, an extraordinarily talented naval pilot with a mysterious yet distinguished military pedigree. He’s young and cocky. And he knows it. You have to be equal parts talented and confident to fly these sophisticated aircraft. Behind Cruise’s Maverick is Anthony Edwards’ Goose. His best friend, partner in crime, and ultimate backseat driver. After a wild training engagement goes south, Maverick and Goose find themselves off to Top Gun, the premier training school for the best of the best Naval pilots. The elite of the elite come here to fly and train with the best. And the best is…Val Kilmer’s Iceman. An instant foil to Maverick. From the moment the two meet, we’re off to the races, their rivalry a central theme.
We’re tossed a romantic curveball, a storyline literally written around a song with Maverick’s romantic rival, Kelly McGillis’ Charlie, a civilian specialist working at Top Gun while angling for a DC promotion.
Despite its masculine bravado, Top Gun actually does a pretty good job of establishing character, developing relationships, and telling a riveting story. Even if you’re immune to or suspicious of the rah-rah military propaganda on display here, you find yourself invested in these characters and thrilled by the aerial theatrics.
The much-discussed gay subtext is still here and less subtle thanks to some progress we’ve made or had made in this area. The testosterone screams manly masculinity! While the hot bods, spiked hair, and sweaty volleyball sequence scream “oh my.” Who knows what Tony Scott was really trying to say, but I know many men who had a specific awakening during repeated views of this movie in the 80’s.
Top Gun looks and sounds incredible on the big screen. The texture of the film, the color palette, and the realism are incredible. The score and soundtrack are a tiny bit dated 40 years on, but its music GenX knows by heart, and it’s punctuated by the whoosh of jet engines and the big boom of large explosions.
Look, I’m a Tom Cruise apologist. Scientology is gross af, but the on-screen presence is real. Top Gun remains of its time, yet timeless. An adventure from a different time and place. It’s why we built and crowded into movie theaters and why we are again.
The Afghan Whigs Burn it All to the Ground in Their Hometown
The Afghan Whigs are somewhat of an enigma. A soul and R&B-influenced alternative rock band that emerged from the burgeoning rock scene in Cincinnati, Ohio, in the late 80s/early 90s alongside the broader rise of alternative music in the US. The first non-Pacific Northwest band to be signed to Sub Pop Records and later shifted around major labels like Elektra and Sony. They were darlings of late night, and you’ll never hear a critic say anything less than enthusiastic praise. And despite an unbelievably loyal fanbase, they never quite broke as big as they should have. But that never mattered much to fans. We were proud to have this band as kind of our own little secret. Yes, we often obnoxiously shout about their greatness to anyone who would listen, but it also felt like we were a secret organization, a club that had VIP access to one of the greatest bands in the world.
The Afghan Whigs have survived and thrived for 40 years on this fan loyalty. And they’ve only improved with age. Their recent albums are just as good as any of their originals. And, live? This band smokes. They always have. From their earliest days playing tiny clubs up and down Short Vine in Cincinnati to their current 40th anniversary tour of legendary clubs around the world, they play every show with the skill of experienced journeyman musicians as though they are on the biggest arena stages.
The lineup has changed over the years, but the core founding members, singer/guitarist Greg Dulli and bassist John Curley, are the core foundation of this band, longtime friends, partners, and musicians who, 40 years in, are as committed to their craft as they were as young, hungry musicians playing Sudsy Malone’s Rock and Roll Laundry.
Last night, in their hometown of Cincinnati, at the legendary Bogart’s, The Afghan Whigs demonstrated why they are one of the greatest live bands in the world. And it made an old man cry. Twice.
I’ve seen this band live countless times. I couldn’t even try to estimate how many times. And after each show, I probably declared it to be the best one. This was unequivocally the best one. Pulling from nearly all of their albums, the band carefully crafted a setlist designed specifically to take you on an emotional journey. Opening with the ridiculously heavy Parked Outside from 2014’s brilliant comeback record Do to the Beast, the band put a stake in the ground, saying we’re here, we’re older, but we can still fucking rock. From here, the band wound through history visiting 1992’s Congregation (I’m Her Slave), 2017’s In Spades (Light as a Feather), 1993’s masterpiece Gentlemen (What Jail is Like), 1998’s 1965 (66), and finally debuting their new song House of I without taking a breath or breaking a sweat.
Soon, we were delivered what the Congregation had assembled for the one-two punch of Going to Town and Gentlemen, prefaced by an invitation from Greg to dance our asses off. And dance our asses off we did.
Of course, this came after an early admonishment from the stage to put our phones away and live in the moment. And if we were to have our phones out, please, please turn off your flash. As always, one fan broke this one important unwritten rule, blinding Greg and earning public shaming. Get it together, people.
We were treated to a guest appearance from Marcy Mays on Domino and Jimmy, not My Curse, but it was a super rare treat that the congregation obviously appreciated.
One of the many highlights of the show came late in the evening when the band delivered Fountain and Fairfax and My Enemy. Greg always delivers, and on these two songs in particularly he just fucking goes for it. When the music stopped, and every single assembled soul SCREAMED FOUNTAIN AND FAIRFAX back at the stage, it was clear we were moving as one, artist and fans intertwined in the ecstasy of the moment. Live music rules.
For me, an Afghan Whigs show is like a high school reunion. I’d never go to a high school reunion. Those were not my people. I found my people in crowded, smoke-filled clubs, surrounded by loud music. I ran into friends old and new. I received at least 30 comments on my “Who the fuck is Greg Dulli?” shirt. I was home.
The show wrapped with an unbelievable trio of songs delivered without the customary dance of leaving the stage and the fans begging for more. Summer’s Kiss, Into the Floor, and a crazy slow version of Miles Iz Ded wrapped the evening, leaving the assembled congregation speechless, awestruck, and satisfied.
Live music is special. An intimate way to connect with the songs and artists we love. Sometime you connect with music so closely that it becomes part of your very being. The Afghan Whigs is that to me. The soundtrack of my life, a band that has been there through heartbreak and celebration. Songs that are wired into my brain, and scarred on my heart. Support live music when you can. See those bands from your youth, find new bands to love. Experience live music with other fans. Find your people. I’m fortunate to have found mine.
Last night I shared that moment of catharsis with my son, who now understands what I’ve been blathering about for years. He saw magic happen. We all did.
Coke Elicits Dreams of Summer with Its Latest Coke Variant: Coca-Cola Cherry Float
Coke has introduced a new flavor variant designed to evoke the childhood wonder of a creamy ice cream treat. Coke describes Coca-Cola Cherry Float as such: “Crafted to deliver the taste of a Cherry Coke float — without ice cream or dairy — the beverage blends Coca‑Cola Cherry with smooth, creamy vanilla notes for a familiar yet new profile.” They’ve succeeded admirably.
I tried Coca-Cola Cherry Float Zero and…it’s extraordinary. Somehow, Coke nailed this. When we talk about an accurate flavor profile, this is what we mean: how closely does the stated flavor match what you experience? And here it’s a perfect match. Coca-Cola Cherry Float Zero smells incredible. You can easily identify the distinct scents of cola, cherry, and vanilla cream. The effervescent bubbles deliver these smells, and you can’t help but smile.
The flavor itself is smooth and creamy. Undeniably Coca-Cola. But with a creamy twist. The tart cherry is present and meshes perfectly with the creamy vanilla flavor. The flavors are not artificial at all; they taste authentic. Refreshing, delicious, and decadent. It’s amazing what flavor scientists are capable of.
What’s most fun is how they were able to deliver on the promise of “smooth” and “creamy”. You know you’re drinking a soda, but somehow it feels like you are drinking something thicker and more decadent. It’s honestly astonishing.
I recommend drinking this soda as cold as possible. Pour over ice, chill in the can, or pour in a frosty glass. Best yet, do all three to unleash Coca-Cola Cherry Float Zero’s full potential.
Coca-Cola Cherry Float Zero is a resounding success. A delicious soda that delivers a clever twist on an olde classic. It’s honestly so good it makes you FEEL something. Happiness, joy, a fond memory of a happier time. Summer in a can. Even the branding is brilliant, a Coke float topped with a familiar Cherry Coke cherry resting on top. This drink makes me happy. Smooth, delicious, satisfying. This is among my top sodas ever. I’ll be sad when this long-term LTO disappears and becomes yet a distant memory like oh so many summers past.
Apple Turns 50 and I’m Writing a Book About It
Apple turns 50 today.
I spent 15 of those 50 years working for Apple. Today, I’m announcing I’m writing a book about my time there.
I've been a writer my entire life, and most of the writing I've done I've done for other people, covering topics that don't really matter much to me.
My favorite and best writing has always been about personal things that matter to me. I've had these stories in my head for years, and since I've likely burned all bridges with the company since Tim bent the knee to Tru*p, I figured now was the time. I'm looking for an agent/publisher, but will likely self-publish, and no one will probably even read it, but it's happening. Stay tuned.
The Big Arch from McDonald’s: The Search for the Next Permenant Menu Item
The hype for McDonald’s newest burger has been pretty big. The sandwich launched internationally and was announced for stateside release in 2023. Unfortunately, a bit of bad publicity emerged in a since viral video of McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski awkwardly eating the Big Arch and calling it a “product.”
Anyway, I was able to secure a Big Arch ahead of its nationwide launch tomorrow, and I have thoughts. McDonald’s describes the new sandwich as spicy and slivered onions, zesty pickles, and crisp lettuce, but what truly sets it apart is the new BIG ARCH Sauce—tangy, creamy, with the perfect balance of mustard, pickle, and sweet tomato flavors. All served on a toasted sesame and poppy seed bun, making each and every big bite equal parts juicy, melty, and saucy.” *
McDonald’s is constantly searching for the next Filet-O-Fish or Chicken McNugget; two notable menu items that we’re introduced to, become popular, are added to the permanent menu, and stay there to this day. Those menu items are a bit of an anomaly. Most new menu items are marketed as “limited time” with no intention of becoming permanent menu items. McDonald’s has the viral McRib, which, of course, returns to the menu annually with much fanfare. But with burgers, it’s been a different story. Burgers have been introduced with claims that they will stay on the menu, but eventually disappear to the various retro-Facebook pages of time. The Big N Tasty. The Arch Deluxe. The McDLT. The McLean Deluxe. The legendary McJordan. All of these burgers hit the McDonald’s menu with considerable marketing, and all of them eventually faded away. It seems the Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, and the cheeseburger are what Americans want when they pass through the Golden Arches.
Yet, here we go again. A new burger. A huge marketing push. Is the Big Arch a winner? Let’s see.
The Big Arch is a hefty sandwich. Two all-beef quarter-pound patties will do that. I was unable to confirm whether it uses the same fresh, never-frozen Quarter Pounder patties or if they are separate patties just for this burger. On my particular sandwich, they definitely were not as juicy and plump as Quarter Pounders, and they were definitely cooked well done.
The sandwich looks good! I had some unfortunate damage to my top bun, but otherwise it looked close to the pictures. It smelled…like McDonald’s.
RAPID REACTION: The first bite was…disappointing. I mean it was fine. But it was oddly, bland? With all the stuff on this sandwich, I guess I expected an explosion of new flavors. Perhaps under seasoned beef? Not sure.
As I continued to enjoy this giant burger, it definitely got better. In fact, when you got all of the elements in one bite, it was pretty magical for a fast-food burger. The new Arch sauce is good, a tangier version of Mac sauce. The crispy onions are fine, but not super necessary. The poppy seed+sesame seed buns seem unnecessary?
The Big Arch has some structural issues as well. While it was assembled well, it didn’t stand a chance of surviving being eaten in the car. The size of the sandwich, coupled with the placement of the sauces, led the burger to begin losing structural integrity about halfway through. The centrally placed burgers stuck together thanks to the delicious, creamy, melted white cheddar cheese, but the sauce's viscosity made things really messy, really quickly. Working with two hands and several napkins helped maintain the burger through the end. I’d say the structural integrity dropped from 100% to 78%.
The Big Arch is a fine fast-food burger offering. I am not sure if this is a game-changer, and I would be surprised if it’s still on the menu when the McRib returns. The highlights are the cheese and sauce. The burger patties were dry and possibly unseasoned or under-seasoned. The lettuce and pickles were standard fare. Honestly, and I totally understand what they are going for here, but I think making it a single and dropping the price by a dollar would be a superior experience. If you enjoy McDonald’s, this is a great way to try something different. It’s huge, filling, and messy.
The Absolute Best Albums of 2025
Here it is, folks. 2025 was another exceptional year for music. Pop, rock, metal, hip hop, and genreless were all represented with some excellent records. So let’s jump right in with the Hyperbole Free Best Albums of 2025!
Weakened Friends Feels Like Hell. There was little doubt the first time I heard this album that it would be near the top of my list. The more I listened to it-the more I loved it. It is fun, fast, furious, poppy rock and roll at its best.
2. Lucy Dacus Forever Is a Feeling Lucy has the voice of an angel and this album is holy shit good.
3. Laufey A Matter of Time Laufey is pure magic. This almost earned album of the year.
4. Taylor Swift The Life of a Showgirl Another classic from Taylor Swift. Forget the haters-this album rules.
5. Sabrina Carpenter Man’s Best Friend Just wow. So soon after Short N Sweet she delivers another batch of perfect pop songs.
6. Julien Baker and Torres Send a Prayer My Way Just wow. The country album of the year and it’s not really close.
7. Blondshell If You Asked for a Picture
8. Japanese Breakfast For Melancholy Brunettes (& Sad Women)
9. Deep Sea Diver Billboard Heart
10. Wet Leg Moisturizer
My top 10 being all women is not a surprise based on my tastes. There’s a few good men in the top 20. Just a few.
11. Demi Lovato It’s Not That Deep
12. Momma Welcome to My Blue Sky
13. Wolf Alice The Clearing
14. Haim I Quit
15. Haley Williams Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party
16. Mammoth The End
17. Beach Bunny Tunnel Vision
18. Maren Morris Dreamsicle
19. Sleep Token Even In Arcadia
20. Ben Kweller Cover the Mirrors
From Meathead to Movie-Making Icon: Exploring the Brilliance of Rob Reiner
“Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately, all you can do is fix yourself. And that's a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect.”
Rob Reiner, celebrated filmmaker, writer, director, producer, actor, and philanthropist, tragically died on Sunday, December 14th, 2025. This isn’t about the tragedy of his death, but rather an exploration of his genius and art. That said, please make sure you take care of your mental health.
Reiner first appeared on the media landscape as an actor playing Mike "Meathead" Stivic on the CBS sitcom All in the Family from 1971 to 1979, a role that earned him two Primetime Emmy Awards. Meathead was the husband of Gloria Bunker, a college-educated progressive “hippy”, who served as a foil to Carroll O’ Connor’s bigoted boomer, Archie Bunker. While many viewers related to the main character of Archie Bunker, the actual point of the show was that Bunker was a dinosaur. An antiquated relic of a time (that should have) since passed. His bigoted views were presented perfectly by O’ Connor and contrasted artistically by Norman Lear’s sharp writing and Reiner’s deft performances.
Fifty years later, it’s clear we missed the point.
What’s fascinating about Reiner is how his real life reflected the social progressivism of his first character. Reiner spent his life fighting for progressive causes and vocally espousing socially liberal views, as Meathead did on All in the Family.
For many Gen Xers, Meathead was the first liberal icon represented on television. He served as a template for later characters like Hawkey Pierce on MASH, Steven and Elyse Keaton on Family Ties, and Leslie Knope on Parks and Rec. But Meathead was first. And what a liberal icon he was. A first-generation college graduate with a degree in sociology, who would later earn him a faculty position teaching at the University of California. He was an anti-war Polish-American who believed in women’s rights, the right to protest that which we disagreed with, freedom of speech, and more. He was for gun legislation. His vocal progressivism contrasted sharply with Bunker’s blue-collar conservatism. For young people, we saw in Mike Sativic, opportunity. We saw a path to a brighter future. We didn’t have to work in blue-collar jobs after high school. Not that those jobs aren’t important and require exceptional skillsets to perform, but some wanted something different-intellectual pursuits that led to liberal arts educations. We wanted our neighborhoods, communities, country, and world to be better, safer, inclusive, and welcoming. My dad worked in a factory and was miserable. He worked his ass off and told me that education should be my top priority. He was far from a progressive liberal, but he wanted something different for me.
After playing Meathead, Reiner became better known as a filmmaker, and a brilliant one at that. His directorial debut, This is Spinal Tap, is a “rockumentary” following a fictional rock band at the beginning of their decline. Reiner also starred in the film as the documentary's director. It was all very meta and set the stage for the style for years, eventually being perfected on TV by The Office.
Next came Reiner’s first Stephen King collaboration, the coming-of-age drama Stand By Me. It was a brilliant film and set up Reiner for his masterpiece with his next King adaptation, 1990’s Misery.
What’s that you say? The Princess Bride is his masterpiece? Well, of course it is. One of the most beloved and quoted movies of all time, The Princess Bride solidified his comedy chops and created an unbelievably popular movie that would be beloved by generations to come.
Reiner also gave us one of the most 80’s movies ever, the template for romantic comedies, When Harry Met Sally, another film that saw Reiner dusting off his comedic acting chops as well.
Reiner dominated the 1990’s with two powerhouse films that touched on politics, but showcased Reiner as a master craftsman: A Few Good Men and The American President. These films showed that Reiner could absolutely get the best acting out of the best actors. He coaxed extraordinary performances out of a young Tom Cruise and a veteran Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men. He did the same with Michael Douglass and Annette Benning in The American President.
The American President, written by Aaron Sorkin, was sort of a prequel to The West Wing. Many of the tropes established here would be seen in the landmark NBC TV drama, but importantly, the film gave us an ideal for the president of the United States. Michael Douglas’ Andrew Shepherd, a widowed democrat and socially progressive president with a 63 percent approval rating, was a sight to behold. He was someone to look up to. He made the hard decisions and always fought for what’s right for all Americans. It’s an ideal that sets liberals apart from conservatives. Conservatives only want what’s best for themselves. Liberals want what’s best for everyone. It’s an idea that is central to my belief system and personality, and why I relate closely to Reiner.
Most recently, Reiner appeared on The Bear, one of my favorite TV series ever, and released a long-awaited sequel to This is Spinal Tap.
Outside of filmmaking, Reiner was very vocal about his beliefs. He spoke freely about what was right and used his voice to criticize what was wrong. He was a co-founder of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, and worked to pass important legislation in California. It’s this outspoken nature that made Reiner a target of the right. Sitting President Donald Trump called him “bad for our country” and a “deranged person.” Which is rich coming from the worst president in history. Trump is the antithesis of the aforementioned Andrew Shepherd. He’s a vile person who has used the presidency to enrich himself and his family while allowing tech oligarchs and religious fanatics to dismantle our nation. Reiner’s loss comes at a heavy time, and his voice, an influential liberal voice, will be difficult to replace. We still have his films which all hold up and we have his legacy and ideals. It’s now our job to carry on his legacy.
Frankenstein; or, The Modern Poe Dameron
“I am by birth a Massassi, and my family is one of the most distinguished of that republic.” - Poe Dameron, Rebel Pilot.
If anyone is going to make a new Frankenstein movie, Guillermo del Toro seems as good a pick as any. And what a gothic masterpiece he’s given us. Frankenstein is told in two parts, Victor’s tale, and The Creature’s tale, following an opening prelude where the Danish Navy, stuck in ice at the North Pole, finds and rescues Victor Frankenstein, then fights his monster. It’s a thrilling opening and I was bought in from the start.
Frankenstein adaptations vary in quality and faithfulness to the source material, the 1818 classic novel, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus, written by Mary Shelley. Each adaptation uses the legendary Gothic novel as a starting point to tell its own story. It’s been a minute since I read the novel, but this is a worthy addition to the adaptations that have come before it.
Del Toro seems the perfect director for this, having established an ability to visually tell beautiful gothic tales, Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth, and The Shape of Water being the best examples of his style. And he tells this story with gusto. It’s easy to say this movie looks great. Each setting, each character, the costumes, backdrops, and most special effects look gothic, timeless, dark, and interesting. Visually, the movie is a masterpiece.
Victor tells his story, starting with his harsh upbringing under the tutelage of his doctor father. We soon find out Victor is a genius with a particular skill in understanding human anatomy, and with a drive to extend life. We all know where this is going. Financed and influenced by his brother’s fiancé’s uncle, who has a desire to extend his life and believes Victor’s experiments can lead him there. Victor is smitten with Elizabeth, his future sister in law-which uhhh complicates things.
Eventually, through much trial and error and a heavy dose of power, Victor’s creation is ALIVE!
I really enjoy Oscar Isaac, and he’s excellent in this role. I’ll always see him as Poe, but he makes a good Victor here, too. All of the acting is well done.
Watching the same story told from each perspective is fascinating. The one shared thread is betrayal. Eventually Victor and the Creature confront one another after an epic final battle and settle their debts to one another.
This movie could have been a bit longer if you can believe that. I think Netflix probably reminded del Toro about modern attention spans and steered him into hugging the two-hour run time. Honestly, I could have watched a bit more, maybe seen some of the threads more clearly expanded upon. But, as told this is a fun and visually stunning adaptation of a beloved classic novel told masterfully.
Predator: Badlands: The Comic Book Adventures: The Motion Picture
I was surprised to find a nearly full theater on a Friday night for a screening of Predator. If you think about it, it’s so bizarre that this franchise is still going nearly 40 years after what very much could have been a one-off Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
But sci-fi sells, and there’s plenty of lore to be created and told.
Predator Badlands very much exists in a post-Disney acquisition 20th Century Studios world where the Predator and Alien universes coexist. While there are no xenomorphs here, there’s plenty of The Company.
This movie is rather tricky to discuss without spoilers so there will be. Predator Badlands opens on the Yautja home planet, where young Dek is training with his brother Kwei. At first, I wasn’t too into hearing about the familial relationships of the Yautja, I liked Predator being what it was in the first movie. But whatever.
Some craziness ensues, Kwei is killed by their father, and Dek is sent on “the Death Planet.” Seriously, “the Death Planet?” Whatever again.
Upon crashing on the Genna Dek quickly finds out why it’s called the Death Planet and is saved by Thia, a damaged Weyland-Yutani Corporation synthetic who is cut in half. Ok, ok Predator Badlands…
The two get to know each other, and after Dek determines Thia is a tool, not a helper, they set off to find and kill the unkillable Kalisk. Along the way, they pick up the monkey thing from the Lost in Space movie (whatever), which bonds with Dek and mimics his moves. Cute, but I think the Predator from Predator would have killed both of these hangers-on.
Our trio heads off and we soon learn that the presence of Weyland-Yutani is far larger than we thought. We also find out the Kalisk is actually unkillable. This leads to some cool fights and some cool throwbacks to Alien lore.
Eventually, we find Thia’s evil sister, Tessa, who was also here to capture the Kalisk. Lost in Space money turns out to be the Kalisk’s kid so now the hunt becomes a rescue mission. There are some funny scenes with Thia’s two body parts, her legs walking around, kicking some ass, which is pretty funny. That’s the point, I realized we were watching a high-budget live-action comic book. All of the whatever became ok, this is fine.
Eventually, Dek saves the day, forms a new clan with Thia and Lost in Space Monkey Kalisk Jr., and cuts his dad’s head off. The trio then embarks on adventures around the galaxy, I assume—adventures I’d probably like to read.
Good Bruce Hunting
A friend of mine said while discussing the Bruce Springsteen bio, Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere, “I don’t understand why critics don’t appreciate character studies anymore.” It really got me thinking about the movie, character studies, and what makes a good story.
I recently watched Good Will Hunting. A film I’ve seen dozens of times, and I really love. I’ve often thought that Good Will Hunting is the closest thing we’d get to a Catcher in the Rye movie. Now, I think Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere is a based on a true story remake of Good Will Hunting.
Stay with me.
Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere tells the story of a poor kid from the East Coast who experiences some trauma in his childhood and ends up being a genius, which leads to opportunities he doesn’t necessarily want to pursue. There is a man who’d rather stay true to his working-class, neighborhood roots than feed the corporate machine. His closest relationship is with a good friend, who is more like a family member than a friend. He also embarks on a complicated relationship with a woman whom he has trouble really letting into his heart. Eventually, a breakthrough via therapy allows him to confront his demons and move forward with his life. Sound familiar?
Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere tells the story of the Boss by focusing on a specific sliver of his life; the period after The River tour, the writing and recording of Nebraska, and the songs that would become Born In The USA. Focusing on one specific period of Springsteen’s career allows for a three-part narrative to be told without being too sprawling and exhaustive. It assumes the viewer knows Springsteen rose to superstardom, enough to tell the story. There are also flashbacks to Bruce’s childhood that establish his upbringing and the trauma that shaped his life.
Springsteen, played here expertly by Jeremy Allan White, is a genius much like Matt Damon’s Will Hunting. Where Hunting is a whiz at math, Springsteen is a master storyteller whose medium of expression is songwriting and performing. Both characters are shown demonstrating their areas of expertise, much to the amazement of anyone who sees it. Hunting is scooped up by MIT professor Gerald Lambeau (Stellan Skarsgard) while Springsteen is signed by Columbia Records and managed by Jon Landau (Jeremy Strong).
Both Hunting and Springsteen struggle with their gifts. For Hunting, it’s almost an embarrassment or burden, something that sets him apart from his peers in an irreconcilable way. He just wants to be one of the boys from Southie. Similarly, Springsteen longs to be a simple Jersey kid but his success is already starting to pull him away from his roots, something he struggles desperately to hang on to.
As their lives began to take a turn, Springsteen began work on a new album while recuperating from a grueling tour, and Will is working with Professor Lambeau while attending court-ordered therapy with Sean Maguire (Robin Williams). They embark on romantic relationships. These relationships each start sweetly, with dates at local haunts in Boston and Jersey, respectively. These interactions in the communities ground each character as part of their neighborhoods. Quickly, Bruce and Will begin to pull back from the relationships because they begin inventing barriers to the relationships, reasons they won’t work out, and that they believe they don’t deserve. Each film includes calls made by the protagonist to their love interests from pay phones outside bars.
Both Landau and Maguire serve as friends, father figures, and therapists. They’re family to Bruce and Will, respectively. Hunting and Springsteen breeze through their work; math and music come to them as easily as breathing while struggling with the weight of expectations. Hunting is expected to use his talents in a high-paying, high-profile, high-stress corporate or government job, while Springsteen is expected to deliver a new album soon to exceed The River and produce radio hits. Expectations that both bristle against.
Springsteen eventually writes the songs that will become the monster hits of Born in the USA, but he’s stuck on more personal, darker, acoustic tunes he wrote and recorded in the bedroom of a rented house in Jersey. Ultimately, both of their mentors support their decisions, and both of their relationships have rocky endings.
Both movies climax with each character experiencing breakthroughs in therapy, which enable them to move forward, confront their demons, and face their pasts. For Will, he hits the road to reconcile with Skyler (Minnie Driver), and for Bruce, he reconciles with his pop and hits the road.
Beyond similar stories and structures, the movies themselves feature similar scenes. The aforementioned phone calls from pay phone booths. Will’s foster father and Bruce’s father are both shown ascending staircases, portending abuse of the characters as boys. Both characters receive cars they don’t think they deserve. Brooding scenes outside. Appropriate music soundtracks each scene as if selected by a divine DJ.
Good Will Hunting, a fictional tale of an imperfect genius facing his demons, and Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere, a stylized biopic of an imperfect genius facing his genius, share many similarities in both tone, narrative structure, scenes, soundtrack, and feeling. Both films are excellent character studies, brilliantly told by talented filmmakers. How do you like them apples?
Mallrats at 30
If there is a custom-built filmmaker for the GenX brain, it’s Kevin Smith. Smith, a New Jersey comic book geek and film nerd, bootstrapped his first film, Clerks, by depending on friends and maxed out credit cards to tell a “day in the life story of a specific group of disaffected youths living the American Nightmare in suburban New Jersey. Following the success of his debut, Smith’s sophomore effort planned more of the same with a bigger budget, bigger laughs, and bigger stakes. Mallrats, released thirty years ago today, took the day-in-the-life story of Clerks and moved it from the Quick Stop to the mall. The themes were similar: love, loss, angst, comics, witty banter, low-stakes adventures, and lots of f-words. While the movie flopped in theaters, it found its audience in video stores across America, where the same disaffected youths in suburbs across the country were struggling with their own misadventures in young adulthood. And it hit me hard.
No One Really Talks Like That
In Smith’s world, the View Askewniverse, young adults talk fast, using witty banter, foul language, entendre, and college-level grammar to express their feelings about love, lust, angst, consumerism, and, of course, comic books. While the language seems hyperbolic and strange, it honestly wasn’t too far off from how my movie-obsessed friends spoke to one another. I felt a real, genuine connection to these characters and this world, so much so that I made a pilgrimage to Red Bank, New Jersey, and even met Jason Mewes, Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame.
Silly Fun and Lots of Jaws References
Jaws is my favorite movie of all time, so it should come as no surprise that I was obsessed with the near-endless Jaws references contained within Mallrats. From the obvious references, the Jaws ride in Universal Studios, to the more subtle, like Willam’s outfit, Mallrats pays homage to Jaws in many ways. A theme that would continue in Smith’s next film, Chasing Amy.
An Easter Classic
Smith’s possibly arbitrary decision to set the movie around Easter, makes this movie an instant Easter classic. I often call it “the Greatest Easter Story ever told,” a joke that makes Christians go nutty. Having Jay and Silent Bob literally fight the mall’s Easter bunny, is something that I’ll never not find funny.
It’s A Love Story Baby Just Say Yes
At its heart, Mallrats, like many of Smith’s films, is a complicated love story. Smith makes personal movies that allow him to explore his emotions and work out his feelings on the biggest of canvases, the silver screen. Sure, it’s an absurdist comedy which includes bizarre side-quests to visit a three-nippled fortune teller at the dirt mall and Jay and Silent Bob’s failed quest to take down the stage being erected in the mall, but it’s also an exploration of feelings. Brodie and T.S. are heartbroken. T.S. wears it on his flannel sleeve while Brodie buries his feelings deep under piles of comics, delicious cookies, and tiny sodas. But their quest is the same: to reconcile with their true loves, find happiness, and pick up comics.
90’s Time Capsule
Mallrats is a ’90s time capsule. Malls are no longer as prevalent as they once were, and are less so a place for teens to escape, gather, and have misadventures. The soundtrack itself could be taken from any mid-’90s alt-rock radio station during any given hour. The clothes, the attitude, and the angst are all dripping with sarcasm. If you ever had to answer the question, “What were the 90s like?” An hour and a half at the Eden Prairie Mall would suffice just fine.
Fake It Flowers at Five
Five years ago, deep into the COVID-19 pandemic, we were all looking for something to take our minds off things. For many, it was binge-watching TV shows, for others, it was podcasts. And of course, music fans do what we always do and turn to the joy of music. It was at that time. A new artist came into my life and very quickly became a favorite.
beabadoobee was born Beatrice Kristi Ilejay Laus in the Philippines and raised in London. Both of these worlds had significant impact upon who she became as a songwriter. As a teen, her musical tastes were informed by listening to her native Original Pilipino Music and indie rock popular in the UK at the time. The result was a mix of guitar-driven Indie folk pop with both coffee shop, singer, songwriter, and rock undertones. Basically perfectly tailored for my musical tastes.
I don’t recall where I first heard Beabadoobee, probably served to me by the Apple Music algorithm, but it was a song from an earlier EP called She Plays Bass. I was pretty much hooked from go. I pre-ordered Fake It Flowers ‘ debut album. Immediately upon hearing the first single, Care I knew I was going to dig this.
The album opens with two rockers, the aforementioned Care and Worth It; both of these songs reminded me of female-fronted bands from the ‘90s that I loved. The rest of the album, in general, is lighter, more acoustic guitar-focused, as is much of our catalogue, but I love that as well. Her voice is gentle and angelic, and her melodies are infectious. On the heavier songs, she employs essentially a four-piece rock band who really know how to bring it.
This album is much more than the bedroom rock that it is associated with. It sounds like a more mature artist than she actually was at the time, the songs deal with the things that we all deal with: love, heartbreak, friendship, and heartache. She explores each of these and a way that really connects with a listener.
Fake it flowers came at a perfect time for me, and I spun them endlessly upon receipt. I loved it so much that I named it my album of the year for 2020. It would be a few years before I saw beabadoobee live, but she is just as good live as her records, bringing a heavier, more rock approach to the songs.
If you’re not a fan of this particular artist now, is your chance to check her out! Happy fifth anniversary to Fake It Flowers by beabadoobee.
Tron: NIN As Alive As We Need It To Be
Admittedly, the bulk of my hype for Tron: Ares centered around the spectacular soundtrack by industrial rock luminaries Nine Inch Nails. Not to say I wasn’t excited for another Tron movie, I totally was, but the NIN score sealed the hype.
The trilogy of movies that make up the Tron universe is all pretty weird. And that may certainly be part of the appeal. The films exist on the same server, so to speak, but they all have different vibes. The central conceit of the Tron universe is that since the advent of the computer age, there exists a parallel digital universe to our reality where programs representing data and their real-world user counterparts. Steve Jobs-esque tech CEO, certified guru-hippie Kevin Flynn, has found a way to connect to that parallel universe with haughty hopes of a digital utopia that could also inform a similar experience in reality. In general, there are defined boundaries between worlds, but each movie breaks those boundaries in specific ways to establish the central tension of the films.
Tron: Ares begins with exposition, bringing viewers up to speed on the events of the last 40 years, making direct connections to Flynn and the original story, and providing an off-ramp to largely ignore, for now, the events of the tremendously underrated Tron: Legacy. After the events of Legacy, Sam and Quorra are “off grid”. Encom is now run by the Kim sisters and rival Dillinger Enterprises is run by the grandson of Dillinger from Tron. Both companies are searching for the film macguffin, the “permanence code” which could have important consequences for earths future.
We quickly learn not much has changed from the 80s, Encom is looking for something to change the world for good, and Dillinger has far more nefarious plans, which begin and end with Ares, a security program that can exist in the real world…for 29 minutes.
Our characters begin moving between worlds with the very existence of both at stake. The movie moves at an extraordinarily brisk pace, dispensing with things like deep character development. We’re unfortunately not given much to care about. But we are given extraordinary visuals, cool ass weapons, interesting chase and fight sequences, and a throbbing, infectious soundtrack.
There’s also fun throwback sequences featuring reproductions of the original film’s then-groundbreaking computer-generated graphics.
The film also reaches for but never quite achieves its lofty, more existential aspirations - something its predecessors did a much better job at. Why are we here? Why are we? Why? and all that. Ares' awakening seems far less consequential than Quorra’s, but the film strongly hints that it is something they’d like to explore.
Tron has always been a mirror of our modern reality. Asking big questions about existence and the impact of technology on our world. Ares does an interesting job in reflecting how technology, oligarchy, and impermanence are changing our world, and has cool light cycle chases.
The movie is a mess and could have been so much more, done so much more. I walked out smiling, mostly from having Nine Inch Nails music on the loudspeakers for two hours. As a Tron movie, it’s pretty ok. As a nine inch nails delivery mechanism, it’s perfect.
Oh, and Tron isn’t even in the movie—a big miss IMHO. I’d have loved for this movie to follow up on Legacy more directly. I fear the promise of this movie to connect these two streams may not happen. And that’s a shame. Because while it’s never been perfect, Tron has always been a unique and original IP with so much promise, even if it fails to answer the big questions it asks fully.
