Jurassic Park Unnecessary!

Jurassic Park Unleashed! marks the seventh entry in the storied, multibillion-dollar dinosaur franchise—and the second in-universe reboot. Is it necessary? Absolutely not. Is it fun? Against all odds, yes.

I won’t pretend Jurassic Park Unchained! is a great film. Honestly, it’s not even a great Jurassic Park movie. But I enjoyed myself. Time flew by, and I wasn’t mad at the end. The franchise itself is fascinating: massively popular despite most of the movies being... fine at best. The original Jurassic Park? Untouchable Spielberg perfection. The rest? Less so.

Jurassic Park Unlimited! lives in the same universe as its predecessors, but it's a full reboot. No returning characters—no Jeff Goldblum chaos theory monologues. Dr. Grant gets a passing mention. We're told that most dinosaurs have perished or relocated to a slim equatorial ring, the only remaining habitable zone for dinosaur life.

Enter the plot: An obviously evil corporate exec recruits a redemption-hungry mercenary (ScarJo, naturally) and a surprisingly attractive nerdy doctor for a mission to a previously unmentioned island—an R&D site for mutant dinosaurs. Their goal? Retrieve blood from three prehistoric beasts to synthesize a life-saving heart medication worth trillions. The whole setup has a video game vibe, making it feel modern and accessible for a younger audience.

Meanwhile, a wholesome family sails into the danger zone. You think you know what’s coming—but surprise! They survive a dino attack thanks to our mercenaries, introducing one of several "Wait, they lived?" moments.

Jurassic Park Unbelievable! is chock-full of Easter eggs, nostalgic callbacks, and dino cameos. It's refreshingly light on the franchise’s usual heavy-handedness, sparing us a Chris Pratt cameo via glitchy training footage or worse. Once on the island, director Gareth Edwards cranks up the suspense and offers some genuinely fresh scares.

The story splinters into two parallel quests: the family tries not to get eaten, and the mercs hunt for dino blood. Their paths (hopefully) converge at a central facility, where ScarJo has a contingency plan involving—of course—a mercenary helicopter.

Jurassic Park Unveiled! delivers cool set pieces (some suspiciously shaped like dino teeth or spines), slick action, and satisfying kills. But again... did this movie need to exist? Not really. It leans heavily on exposition to introduce its all-new cast, which does slow things down, especially early on.

Predictability runs high: we’re on an island full of crossbred, hybrid dinosaurs apparently created with the same tech Palpatine used to whip up Snokes. So yeah, they’re nightmarish.

In the end, Jurassic Park Unnecessary! lives up to its name—utterly superfluous, yet oddly enjoyable in a popcorn-flick kind of way.